It starts off innocently enough. He asks for our opinion on something and we give it being very careful not to hurt his feelings. It goes on like that for a while and life is wonderful. One day he tells you to be honest, give him the raw truth, he can take it.
You tell him in such a way that would not hurt his feelings but he tells you that you're holding back. So you decide o.k. he is asking for it so why not. You give him the unpolished truth. He grimaces but says thank you for your honesty. You see the grimace but you hear the thanks and come to the conclusion that he must really want you to help him by giving the unpolished truth. And right there is where it starts. Criticism begins to take over your marriage.
You begin to point out every big and little thing he does wrong. He cannot match his clothes to save his life. He can't dress your little girl properly. He cannot change the baby's diaper the way you want it done. He needs to lose some weight. He doesn't spend enough time interacting with the children. He squeezes the toothpaste the wrong way. He always leaves the toilet seat up. He doesn't help around the house. The yard looks so untidy - why can't he do something about it. And on and on and on. At every turn and in almost every circumstance he faces our unpolished truth designed to help him be a better person. Is that really working though?
Look at his behaviour. Has it changed any with you constantly pointing out what he's doing wrong? Is he much improved? How long has it been since you've been pointing out those faults of his? Has he made even the slightest move toward accepting your advice in all that time? Chances are he even seems worse in his behaviour. You can do something about it. What can I do you say? Well in the words of my husband while he is preaching sometimes "I'm glad you asked" :)
What can you do about it? 2 Words. SHUT UP!!! Now don't go all ballistic on me now but that is exactly what you need to do. SHUT UP. None of us likes being criticized. Criticism does not lend to a very pleasant atmosphere at all. So let's do unto others as we would have them to do unto us and stop the criticizing. I have to deliberately close my mouth at times and pray instead when I encounter something my husband did or did not do that was displeasing to me.
The best thing we can do for our husbands is to give them room to make mistakes. We learn more and better when we make mistakes. So we allow them the freedom to fail and fail and fail again. God will take care of us always as long as we are His children. When our husbands are given the space they need they usually end up doing the very thing that we would like to see done.
Now that is not to say that we don't express our dislikes and preferences. It just means that we need not constantly criticize for every little things. It means that we choose the right time to bring up our concerns. It also means that once we express ourselves we let it go. Let the grass grow high. Let us cover the toothpaste ourselves or leave it uncovered. Let us let it go and commit every thing into the hands of the Lord. If criticism is taking over your marriage shut up and pray.
What are other ways you suggest we keep criticism from taking over our marriages? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
